Rio Ferdinand says that while Mathys Tel is a ‘mad talent’ he is unsure whether Manchester United should sign the Bayern Munich star. Tel has emerged as a top target for several Premier League clubs ...

So here we have 14 assorted footballing grievances, disasters, misadventures and unfairnesses, all of which only ever happen ...

Gianni Rodari used puns, topsy-turvyism and zany names to invent stories for children and help children invent their own.

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